Church was good. Hubby came to church. See, he was coming to church to spend time with me for I told him that one of the reasons that Christian women marry is to have their husbands sit next to them in church. So he told me he would come for 1.5 hours to spend that time with me. But he got there 1/2 earlier than I did so he did not spend that 1/2 hour with me. But when I tried to broach that subject he said that he just could not spend anymore time at church. And that next time it will be longer and he asked me to patient with him. So I decided to do just that since he really seems to be trying. I am really happy that he came. I stand during praise and worship in the back; so he stood with me and talked to me at times. I did feel that he spent quality time with me. I love my husband. And I feel loved when he spends time with me like that doing what I love doing-praising and worshipping God. There's been times when I felt he was just vegetating in the same room with me and not really connecting with me. But I did feel he connected with me today.
Praise and woship was really good. We got very loud as we praised God and it was very freeing. For the last month or two, I had been feeling squelched during praise and worship; but today I did not. It felt very good.
I gave a prophetic word about the Lord giving us a sword of lightening. Then I noticed a young man clenching his fist foward as if he was holding a sword. When I asked him about it he said that God gave him a sword of lightening. He held that spiritual sword for over an hour! Wow! I felt a lot of power in that prophetic act. Very cool.
I feel good today. I am not visited with the end of the weekend dread that usually comes. Weird. I just feel good. That's a little strange for me. I usually have that dread. But I don't have it. This morning in the shower, God was giving me songs to sing: "Walking on Sunshine", and "I Can See Clearly Now". I was singing, "Walking on sunshine, baby, yeah! And it's time to feel good!" Wow! I didn't know that was for me! I AM feeling good! I feel VERY good. It feels good to not have that dread. And I don't know why I used to have that dread for I do like my job. Wow, I am thankful to God for feeling SO good.
I am also grateful for having a husband that does try his very best in working on our relationship. As I mentioned before, he has been diagnosed with schizophrenia as well as bi-polar, borderline personality and some paranoid disorder (I forgot the correct name). He tried to tell me that I had to accept that he is not able to change certain things about him because of the paranoid disorder. So he pulled up this disorder on the internet for me to read about it. The article said that those with this disorder can get better with psycho-therapy. I told him that; and he was suprised. I feel that so many people had just put up with his behaviour because poor baby cannot help himself. And he was used to that and wanted me to do the same. But I have too much respect for him to treat him like that. He is not a little boy. He is a man that has so much character, so much love in him, and strength like I have never seen before. I believe in him; and most of all, I believe that God is there for him. He is a completely different man from five years ago when I married him. And though it can be very hard at times to endure the tirades, the lack of communication, the minimal display of affection, etc., I know that he is trying very hard in our relationship. It can be disheartening at times; but days like today make all of the hard work and waiting worth it. It was a good day.
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